Roshi's ramblings

How I feel at the moment!  Hi everyone, I'm currently super super busy with everything going on in my work life as well as in my religious life, but I don't want to abandon this blog so I'm going to make a conscious effort over the next couple of weeks to get some more content written. It'll also help me reflect upon everything going on and give me a chance to take a step back! So throughout October I went to the Priory in Lancaster, it's a beautiful church and it has a full 25 person choir male, boys and girls. Naturally that means the services were sung and sung beautifully. It showed me what can be done with a willing, we'll trained choir.   I'll talk more about it in another post, all I need to do now is stop being tone deaf so I can sing along too! A very interesting and thought provoking book I've started attending a bible/book study group of 20 to 30s and we are studying a book called 'Too Busy Not To Pray' though sadly I...

Prayer roots you for the day The primary role of a priest is to administer the sacraments. That and pray. Prayer should be an ingrained and constant thing within your life. Whilst exploring my vocation one of the things I have found most difficult to do initially was find time for prayer, yet I know at theological college and throughout curacy it will be at the very least a twice daily event. With this in mind I thought I’d discuss some of the methods I have found that help.  Panoramic picture of my godspace on Morecambe prom, taken this morning First things first, you need an area for yourself where you can pray, or just be with God in quiet contemplation, a Godspace if you will. This could be a specific chair in your living room, your bed, an area you’ve set up in a spare room or even a place you go on a morning walk. For myself I do the last one. I’m blessed to live right next to Morecambe promenade and there is a small jetty with a bench on it right out into Morecamb...

I've had my 2nd meeting with the ADDO and it went well. We discussed the time line I have created as well as my ideas about the vocations criteria. The main 2 aspects the ADDO wanted to explore in depth were my being priestly and my stickability. First we went over the being priestly part.   I'm doing a lot at the moment towards becoming a priest, reading lots of books, attending various churches, becoming heavily involved in my parish church, but doing is not the same as being so she wanted examples of how I'm changing due to my vocation. We talked about how I now tend to pray a lot more, if a hearse drives past I say a prayer for the departed, if I see something horrific on the news I pray for the victims and the perpetrators. I also relate things to God's presence more often. I've quit a job I hated to follow my call more clearly and I am much happier for it. I feel it's accepting my calling that has made me happier, especially because the stres...

As I said in my inaugural blog post many people didn't know me as religious. In this post I'm going to talk about what it's like to tell your friends and colleagues that not only are you quite deeply religious but also you think your calling may be to spread the word of God! I'll start with my family, obviously they knew I was religious having brought me up in the Christian faith and knowing that regardless of my views on certain aspects of religion my faith was always strong. It was actually my parents who suggested I look into my calling so I knew I'd be supported by them.   My brother took the mick a bit, as since we left the church we attended for most of our lives he has decided to become atheist. But even from that viewpoint he still supports me in it. In a way it's good to have him to talk to in order to ensure critical thinking on my part when he questions me on things. My grandparents just said 'oh we knew one of you or your dad would do that o...

Shortly after my meeting with the DDO I received an email from his team member arranging to meet with me in 2 weeks time. It would just be an informal chat so I didn't need to prepare anything in advance. 2 weeks passed by and I managed to get to the meeting after copious twists and turns to get to the rural parish she is based at, only getting lost once! The conversation was indeed an informal one, more to get to know one another than delve into my vocation at this point.   Initially she was concerned that I had only recently started attending church regularly again after quite a long hiatus but as the conversation developed and I explained more about myself she became more confident in me being able to go forward for selection next year, provided I had the drive to do so. Obviously the speed of selection shall all depend upon how our meetings go.   If all goes well I shall have my meetings with her till Christmas then move to meeting Bishop Phillip after that. We also fo...

Having completed my 4 meetings with the vocations team member my information was passed onto Blackburn diocese's diocesan director of ordinands (DDO) who then contacted me and arranged a meeting at my house so he could talk to my wife and myself. He came around on a Monday night and after my pet cat Bonnie had decided his paperwork was the perfect seat we got down to business. He explained to me exactly what the next steps are.   First I will meet with a member of the DDO team and explore the selection criteria in depth with them.   Then, when  that team member was happy to do so I'd be sent to the Bishop Phillip, the bishop of Burnley to undergo further examination. At the moment it is unclear what that will involve as he has only recently become bishop and has yet to set in stone decisions around ordination, though chances are I am going to be the guinea pig for them. In the past the diocese has run its own mini Bishops advisory panel (BAP) before sending ...

Following on from my previous post let's talk about the third and the fourth vocations team member meetings. The third meeting was all about my perception of what the job and life of a priest really was, mostly to ensure I'm not deluding myself.   I read John Pritchard's The Life And Work Of A  Priest to give myself some inspiration, as well as reading some blog posts about it online. I then had a crack at it and ran it past my father - who had looked into it himself previously - and my parish priest - who obviously lives it!   My initial thoughts were a bit too prescriptive and I was quite naive about timings but I did seem to have the general gist correct.   I ensured I made it a busy week so I could show as many activities as possible.   I also added a column on the end of alternative activities as well as a disclaimer at the start stating that this was an especially busy week and as I have a family to consider I would not be able to k...

So continuing my Delving into Discernment I thought I would go through the meetings that I have had and the steps I've taken along the way.  Bear in mind that each Diocese approaches this differently and not all of them have the initial meetings with vocations team members.  All the activities I have done will help focus your mind on your calling and vocation. So the first stop as far as the Diocese of Blackburn is concerned is for you to have 4 meetings with a member of the vocations team.  These take place over as long a time period as you wish, for myself I chose to have them as frequently as possible and got through them in 3 months.  The reason for the time between is to give you chance to reflect and to do the tasks that are set for you. The first meeting is just a general get to know you session.  You talk about yourself and about your calling as well as how you are addressing it.  The team member makes notes throughout the chat which they will t...

Following on from my initial Delving into Discernment posts I thought I'd analyse everything in a little more depth so people can see the steps I have been through as well as some critiques of any books I have read on the topic. So here goes! Do you feel you're being called by God to His/Her ministry? Where do you go to explore this? What are the first steps? What if you don't currently attend church? All these questions and more assailed me when I first started taking my calling seriously.   I had no idea what to do or even how to check and see if my feelings were genuine. Luckily for me, my father had been looking into vocation for himself a short while ago and was an active member of his church and an avid reader of the church times.   He'd come across the website call waiting . This website has been designed specifically for 'young'  people who are interested in exploring their vocations.  I say 'young' as to the church of England that is anyo...

So following on from my previous post here's my reflections on day 2 of me shadowing my parish priest. The morning started the same as the day before, in church praying the office of readings at 9am.  It really is relaxing. You definitely feel the presence of God whilst doing it. We then celebrated morning mass, this was the monthly years mind. It was sobering to think of the sheer number of people we recalled during the prayers of intercession. Let light perpetual shine upon them, may they rest in peace and rise in glory.   The rest of the morning was spent at the church's charity shop and it was a nice hour and a bit. I had a good chat with the ladies running it and managed to get myself a new shirt for a quid too!   It was interesting to see that way of fundraising. On that particular day it was quite dead but other days it is heaving. It's very important to be a presence there as the parish priest as it lets people clearly see the purpose of the store, a...

Over half term my parish priest was kind enough to arrange 2 days of activities for me to shadow him and see what the reality of the vocation was.   This post is a reflection on day one. The day started at quarter to 9, meeting at the church for to pray the office of readings and morning prayers.  It was my first time using a missal for it as I usually use an app on my phone, so there was some initial confusion about which page markers to use and when.  It's a lovely way to start the day and saying the psalms aloud with another person is markedly different from hurrying through it on your own. Definitely gave me time to properly think about the messages in the readings. After that we celebrated morning mass in the lady chapel and I assisted as a server. Following the service a man came to fix the flooring in the vestry so we quickly visited the charity shop to see how it was doing and then went to the vicarage to walk the dog before heading to the local crematori...

Came across this poem in hearing the call:stories of young vocation.  It sums up for me what the calling can feel like.  It's definitely scary but ultimately worth it. 'When I became a Christian I said, Lord, now fill me in, Tell me what I'll suffer in this world of shame and sin. He said, your body may be killed, and left to rot and stink, Do you still want to follow me? I said Amen - I think. I think Amen, Amen I think, I think I say Amen, I'm not completely sure, can you just run through that again? You say my body may be killed and left to rot and stink, Well, yes, that sounds terrific, Lord, I say Amen - I think. But, Lord, there must be other ways to follow you, I said, I really would prefer to end up dying in my bed. Well, yes, he said, you could put up with the sneers and scorn and spit, Do you still want to follow me? I said Amen - a bit. A bit Amen, Amen a bit, a bit I say Amen, I'm not entirely sure, can we just run through that again? ...

Another prayer regarding vocation and discerning the course God has set you upon today God, I know You love me and have great plans for me. But sometimes I am overwhelmed by the thought of my future. Show me how to walk forward one day at a time. May I take heart while I search openly, learn about all the choices, listen to others for advice, and pay attention to my own feelings. By doing these things, may I hear your call to a lifestyle and a career that will let me love as only I can, and let me serve others with the special gifts that You have given me. Amen.

Every saturday I hope to bring a poem or verse to you all that I have enjoyed or found has resonated with me.  Today's one is from the recent SCP conference I attended. The Call From our low seat beside the fire Where we have dozed and dreamed and watched the glow Or raked the ashes, stopping so We scarcely saw the sun or rain Above, or looked much higher Than this same quiet red or burned-out fire. Tonight we heard a call, A rattle on the window pane, A voice on the sharp air, And felt a breath stirring our hair, A flame within us: Something swift and tall Swept in and out and that was all. Was it a bright or a dark angel? Who can know? It left no mark upon the snow, But suddenly it snapped the chain Unbarred, flung wide the door Which will not shut again; And so we cannot sit here any more. We must arise and go: The world is cold without And dark and hedged about With mystery and enmity and doubt, But we must go Though yet we do not know Who called, or...

Well as this is all about me and religion I thought I'd share what is happening  for me as I discern my vocation. It started with just some conversations with my parish priest about what ordination is and trying to get my head around my calling. I've had quite a few long chats with him over a glass of gin trying to figure out how to give voice to all the things in my head! I have also used www.callwaiting.co.uk to find more information such as reading lists and events like the SCP weekend.  The website also put me in touch with my local diocesan youth officer whom I have met with twice now, most recently today, to again help me think through what God and christianity means to me as well as discern what my callings for. The first time we met was a general chat for her to get to know me and where I'm coming from and I was set a 'homework'  task of making a time line of my life including major events and any major spiritual events. This meeting today was talking ...

This past weekend has been incredibly hectic but incredibly fun as well.   I attended a vocations weekend run by the Society for Catholic Priests in Manchester at St Chrysostoms church. I met some wonderful like minded people and it was lovely to have people in a similar position to myself to talk to and to help me know I'm not mad for considering this life path! The Friday night was a nice introduction with an ice breaking activity to get to know everyone followed by going into the chapel for evening vespers and then some tasty pizza for tea! Later on in the evening after having eaten enough to make me need to roll rather than walk we headed back into the chapel for our first two sessions. The initial session was by Canon Alma Servant who told us about her journey to priesthood. Initially she felt her calling before women were allowed to be ordained and she didn't want to be a deaconess as it wasn't the whole job. Her story showed that if you really do feel the ...

So I figured I'd write a post about why I'm interested in ordination. To many people, at least those who've met me after 2004/5 it will probably seem odd as you won't know me as religious. I grew up in a religious family. We went to church every Sunday and were heavily involved in it. The church was what would be defined as Anglo-Catholic or high church. All bells and smells. I was an altar server from a young age, first a boat boy then an acolyte and finally a crucifer. I absolutely loved it. I was fascinated by the whole service; I remember at a young age deciding I wanted to know the whole thing off by heart so I could properly recite it whilst serving, and the excitement when I first began serving of being able to participate in the whole service, not just the start and end with Sunday school in the middle! I also remember being enamored of the blessing of the bread and wine and how by reciting gospel it led to them being charged with the power of God. Naturally...